I’ve got to get this in before conference starts… and yes John, I am going to pretend like I want to watch conference.
Yesterday, I was watching some America’s Funniest Home Videos, known as AFV. Why it’s not known as AFHV, I’ll never know. I think it has a better ring to it, like ADHD, but anyway…
I’m watching a cat jump into a window, and a dog dragging himself down the stairs, and a guy getting hit in the crotch by his kid’s baseball bat, and Tom whoever making bad jokes when mercifully, they went to commercial.
ABC was pumping up their new version of The Ten Commandments. Now, I know how TV networks always mess up,(drop good shows, bad movie about Noah, etc.) so I have a few suggestions for these fools.
Lines/things that need to be kept in the new Ten Commandments from the old Ten Commandments
13- Blood makes poor mortar.
12- So let it be written, so let it be done.
11- Thus sayeth the Lord God of Israel: Let my people go.
10- There needs to still be that one evil Israelite guy.
9- The movie needs to be long so Grandpa Millburn can still compare long things to the Ten Commandments.
8- Moses jumping in the mud with the rest of the Israelites
7- Behold His mighty hand!
6- How Moses ages several years after his vision at the burning bush.
5- Just give me those pastel shelled chocolate candies. (Wait, that’s on my list of suggestions for the Easter Bunny)
4- O Moses, Moses. You stubborn, splendid, adorable fool
3- God opens the sea with a blast of His nostrils!"
2- When Moses destroys the golden calf by throwing the tablets at it… big explosion.
1- His God is God.
In conclusion, if any of these things are missing, the movie is dumb, and whoever made it doesn’t know what they’re doing.
We’ve all heard of the disaster that was the remake of the Poseidon Adventure. I think this movie is on TV next weekend.
That will do it from here for now
Peace Out
Charlton Heston (spell check)
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6 comments:
Plus Bubs, you forgot to put that it needs to have Lot in it surfing on the Red Sea as it is being parted.
When I saw that this was titled 'Cecil B. Demille Bubs' I knew it was going to be good, and Bubs, you did not disappoint. I also hope that it still has the green fog lurking the streets.
Good point on Lot, I forgot how that was omitted from the Bible version. Yes, green fog is sweet -- coming from the moon.
Maybe it could have that cool dog on the Simpsons that Homer does the voice for.
I agree with Brett on the cool dog idea. That dog is really cool with the sunglasses and all. I think we should write all are ideas to the people who are making this new version of the Ten Commandments. Kind of like how when George made that helpful suggestion to Norm about how they should stop having Cheers be located in a bar.
The new Ten Commandments hasn't got a chance unless Charlton Heston is Moses. When I meet Moses in the next life, I will be mega-disappointed if he doesn't look, act, and talk like Charlton Heston. Also, the Pharoah has to be Ule Briner (sp) No hair allowed. And it must have him looking at the children of Israel backed up against the Red Sea, and he says: "Moses' God is a poor general." I am prepared for a huge disappointment. It might have some redemptive value, however, if God doesn't say "Moses, Moses" in a creepy Halloween voice at the burning bush.
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