Tuesday, March 22, 2016

FĂștbol Bubs

It has been a long time since I've updated this blog, so long that I don't know why I'm updating it now.  Perhaps it's to see how many people still check it for updates.  Or, perhaps, it's so I can slip this nugget by my brothers without them noticing.

I kinda like soccer.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like baseball, basketball, football (the real one), and hockey more, but that doesn't mean I can't like soccer. 

My younger brothers once made a video where they went back in time and destroyed the person who invented soccer, as a way to make the world a better place.  I think attitudes like that come from being told that you're some sort of two bit yokel if you don't like soccer from the enlightened.  Being told that if you don't like soccer, it's your fault because you don't get the game, the beauty, the creativity and all that garbage.

This is my thing, if you don't like something that I do, I'm not going to get offended, unless it's drinking Egg Nog.  Seriously, that would be outrageous.

There are, however, several things that I would do to change soccer to make it a better sport. 

I always tell my latino students that to make it a better sport, they should put the goal about ten feet in the air, and should let players use their hands.  Players should be able to carry the ball past a line to score points.  The ball should be oblong shaped and brown... it's about this point that they figure out that I'm talking about football (the real one).  Some of my students are quite slow.

Top things to change about soccer

  1. Offside.  It's stupid to have a rule that is so complicated that the referees can't even figure it out.  If you must have offside as a rule, then draw a line like hockey.  I'd prefer to not have an offside, at all.
  2. Extreme penalties.  While the penalty kick should be used in some extreme situations where a goal was almost certain (like a DOGSO), I don't think it should be used for less egregious fouls in the box.  PKs are almost always converted.  In basketball, that's like awarding a free layup for a foul that's worth 50 points.
  3. Extreme penalties part 2.  Red cards signify the ejection of a player for a dangerous play.  When a player gets a red card, not only does the player get ejected for that game and the next, but the team has to play down a man.  Such a harsh penalty only encourages refs to give yellows or no fouls than calling the penalty as it should have been.  If you want to keep it as part of the game, have the offending team play down a man  for 5 or 10 minutes or something.
  4. Substitutions.  Most high level leagues allow only 3 substitutions per game.  I think this makes the play much worse than it could be toward the end of the game when players are absolutely gassed.  I hate it when people say that a team's "fitness" is the reason why there are so few subs.  If I wanted to see "fitness", I'd go watch people run a half marathon.  I think all 18 players should be eligible to sub in at any time, and they should just go with the baseball rule that once you're subbed out, you're done.
  5. Timing.  OK, I get it, you play an old sport, so old that referees back in the day ended each half after counting to 2,700.  The thing is, we have scoreboards now, and people like to have a good idea of when the game ends.  Putting it in the hands of the ref leads to people thinking the ref was corrupt if there was a late goal or if he ended it early.  RSL two years ago lost home field advantage to Kansas City after conceding a goal 7 minutes into added time when the ref said it would only go 5.  That's a bit of a problem.
  6. Referee.  Why is there only one ref on a field that is larger than a football (the real one) field?  How can he or she possibly be in the best position to see every play and adjudicate fairly?  Put more refs on the field that can make calls.
  7. Faking.  Soccer has been known to give a bigger penalty if someone is hurt.  This leads to faking by players.  Years ago, they used to bring out this magic spray so the player could pretend to be miraculously healed.  Penalties should not be given based on if someone is hurt or not and injured players should be required to sit out for a specified time or be replaced.  Yes, I know they fake in the NBA.  Yes, that makes me mad too.
  8. Ties.  No ties, ever.  This should be obvious.
  9.  Overtime.  Yes, I know soccer snobs call it extra time, but I can't bring myself to call it that.  I think overtime should end on the first goal and that the overtime period should start with 10 players a side.  After 5 minutes you each team takes off one player.  15 minutes into overtime, that player is the goal keeper, and nobody can use hands.  Players that have been subbed in for are allowed to come in one more time.  The period lasts 20 minutes or until a goal is scored.  If no goal is scored, you go to the shootout.
Those are the ones I have thought of, I'm sure there's others...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Bowling Bubs

So if you want pictures of my kids, they are being hosted at this site

I decided I'd update my blog once a week, so that I can have something else to feel guilty about when I don't get it done.

We do sticker charts with our kids.  When Link was 3, almost 4, he was having a hard time not wetting the bed.  I started a chart with him that he gets a sticker for every day that he's dry.  After enough stickers, he gets to go do an activity of his choosing.  Most are small things, like make cookies or fudge or cupcakes or rice krispy treats, or go ice skating (which is free for us), or go to Winco and kind of wander around a little...  Other prizes are big, like go bowling, or swimming, or to Sweet Tomatoes etc.

It worked for Lincoln like magic.  About that same time, barely 2 year old Ella was not staying in her bed.  We thought she was too little, but made her a sticker chart too, and, to our surprise, it worked.

Ellie earned one of her prizes a couple of weeks ago, and today she cashed it in.  We went to Fat Katz to go bowling.  The following is a list of things that annoyed me whilst bowling.

9.  Lincoln got momentarily "lost".
8.  The "slushee*" was just pure liquid.
7.  The bowling shoes hurt my blister, like, way bad.
6.  I had to go on a hike to find one of those ramps so my kids could just roll the ball off it, and down the lane.
5.  I started out with a strike and two spares, and was only able to score 123
4.  Ellie spilled her "slushie*".
3.  It was going to take the concession stand 20 minutes to get us some nachos.
2.  The people two lanes down swiped our ramp while we were at the concession stand.
1.  The guy next to me kept using my ball, and had the nerve to use it while I was awaiting my second roll.

(It sure has been a while since I did a list.  Not quite up to the same standards as this bad boy.

Despite all the annoyances, the kids really enjoyed themselves, and Lincoln bowled exactly 100.  He was very excited about that... I mean VERY.  He'd rather score exactly 100 in bowling then, say, 260.

As we were walking back to our car, Lincoln got kind of close to another family.  The agitated father said to his sobbing daughter "What are you crying about now?"  Lincoln responds:  "Because I'm so starving."  He wasn't even crying.  I was laughing way hard, agitated dad was not amused.  His super power must be to not have a sense of humor, because it was pretty funny.

*Yes, I'm aware I spelled it differently, That is because I don't know how it's spelt.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


Bad things come in threes, or so I've heard.

8 days ago, Ella had a dance recital at one of the local malls.  She's been in a little neighborhood dance class for the past couple of months.  She has had such a good time.  Early indications are that she's going to be a little dancer.  They even did a bake sale to earn money for their costumes and earned down to the exact penny the amount they needed.

Her recital lasted a couple of minutes is all, and afterward, the parents were kind of hanging out just talking.  For some reason, both Ange and I believed that Ellie was with grandma (Ange's Mom).  That was not the case.  I looked over and saw grandma sans Ellie.  I spent the next 10 seconds looking for her... no dice.  I tried to get grandma's attention for the next 10 or so seconds... strike two.  I gave up, and tried to get Ange's attention. 

"Where's Ella?"

"With grandma."

"No, she isn't."

With that, real panic set in.  I did a quick circuit of the central court.  No Ella.  Ange had headed straight to the parking lot to see if she could catch a glimpse of a potential kidnapper.

By then, I had returned to the stage when I caught wind that someone had seen a child, "dressed like those other children" all the way down the mall.

I ran, heard Lincoln trying to catch up, waited for him, then ran with him to find Ella near the entrance to Macy's, some 300 yards from where we were.  I was so relieved.  So was Ange.  Ella didn't seem to care.

The next day, I caught wind that Matt was lost in Central Utah.  He details his experience in his latest post here.  My sister's point of view here.

Thanksgiving could have been a lot worse.  Luckily, we got to spend it with our Ella, and Matt. 

So the question is, what is the third bad thing that's going to happen?  We thought it might be that Ange lost about $80, but she found it, and it was only like $55.

I hope that third bad thing comes quickly, the suspense is killing me.

Because bad things come in threes.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Stats and Projections

We went to the doctor's office for Abby's 2 week checkup, and Ellie's 3 year checkup.  I thought I should post their stats, and my prediction for height at weight for each child when they are 18 (21 for Lincoln).

  • Currently at 90th percentile for height and about 50th for weight. 
  • Projection:  6' 1", 180 pounds.
I had to revise the weight down from last year.  As a three year old last year, he was 42 inches tall, which meant he could ride The Bat a.k.a. Mike Tyson's Punch Out at Lagoon.  He weighed in at 40 pounds.  He is now 45 inches tall, and weighs 41 pounds.  Seems like three inches should be worth more than a pound.

  • Currently:  weighs 28 pounds (22nd percentile) and is 37.5 inches tall (62nd percentile)
  • Projection:  5' 7" 120 pounds
Of course, I'll just be happy if we can get her to stop screaming at the top of her lungs at Lincoln.

  • Currently:  weighs 10.3 pounds (95th percentile) and is 22.5 inches long (98th percentile)
  • Projection:  5' 11", 160 pounds
Obviously things can change, but she seems to be a large child, and she is wearing Ange out with how much she wants to eat.  Hopefully she'll end up being a little smaller.  Ange's sister, Natalie is tall, and as you can see, it scarred her for life.

Feel free to make projections.  The winner gets a king size Snickers, but we won't know until May 29, 2028.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Link the Artist

So last Sunday, after church, I went to pick up my kids.  Lincoln bolted out of the primary room like it was on fire.  I've heard boys described as "all afterburner and no rudder".  That pretty much sums up Lincoln after 3 hours of sitting quietly in church.

He was even more excited than usual because of this drawing he had worked on.  His description is below:
"I'm riding on Mommy's shoulders, and mommy has a baby inside her kicking her tummy so hard.  Ellie is riding on Daddy's shoulders and Ellie only has one eye."

Unfortunately, he didn't explain what the green blob was to the right of Mommy.  I asked, but didn't get a coherent response.  I have my own ideas as to what that is.

I also think it's funny that Lincoln has to write "Link" on every single piece of paper he ever sees.

Friday, March 05, 2010


This is how I imagine Mike Smith and Preston spending time together in a few years. Unfortunately, I don't think Preston's going to have a little sister anytime soon. I'm sure most have seen this ad, but I think it's funny.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Not Obese

...Just overweight. That's what the new BMI numbers say for me. Whew, I was getting worried there for a minute.

I don't like BMI very much because it doesn't account for someone who is big boned. You can tell if you're big boned if your fingers don't touch when you wrap them around your wrist. Mine don't, meaning I'm big boned or have short fingers.

Anyway, if you account for me being big boned, I think my real obese number is 233 lbs. I'm at 212 now. To get to normal, I have to get down to 176 lbs. That is one of my New Year's Resolutions, so we know it won't happen. If you adjust for me being big boned, I only have to get to 193. If you want to calculate your own BMI, take your weight in kilograms, and divide it by your height in meters squared. Or just use this calculator. 30 or above is obese, 25 to 29.9 is overweight, 18.5 to 24.9 is normal, and below 18.5 is underweight.

In other news, my talk on Family History went quite well. The only person in the congregation that fell asleep was Lincoln. Plus I got to tell a lame joke I've been holding on to for more than 20 years.