Sellin' out Bubs

There are two reasons for the title of this post. First of all, we have now officially joined the ranks of the 'people who drive bigger cars than regular cars'.

We bought ourselves a 2002 Toyota Sienna.

This is not our exact car, ours is another color that I am keeping secret, because needless to say, there are those who would like to plan an assassination to silence the voice of the Blog of the Bubs.

Now that we have a way to get up to Idaho, we are hoping to be there until the 28th, if any of my family can hang with that new schedule. Matt, you'd better believe I'm talking to you. We now got room for you, so that excuse is no longer valid. Who's ever heard of a trip to Idaho from the 25th to the 27th. You might as well not go since snow covered roads could slow your trip down enough that you'd get to spend a whopping 20 hours total.

The other way the Blog o' the Bubs is selling out is I'm going to take a page from the MCMillburn blog, and give some pub to a company. No, not Mr. Clean, but rather Nate Wade Subaru, who treated us better than any other dealer we've ever gone through.

Now that the selling out is done, I should mention that Lincoln has started trying to run. I give him 5 months to be faster than me. Maybe he'll pinch run for me in Platypi games.

The Grinch

Torturer Bubs

As it turns out, I like to torture people.

The best people to torture are those with no sense of humor, so the whole time they're way mad at you, and you're laughing, whilst trying to appear serious.

The best people to torture are 13-15 year olds, mostly because they don't have a sense of humor, and they give some pretty good reactions.

Examples of torture I have inflicted on 13-15 year olds:

• When asked if I just got a hair cut, I explain how I got a 'hairs' cut, because only a moron would go to the barber and pay to have one hair cut.
• Ask them a difficult question in order to go to the bathroom
• After return from the bathroom, exclaim that I didn't know it was 'take forever day' (credit to Matt)
• Choose a random girl, and tell her that I didn't know it was 'crazy hair day' today
• Repeatedly say 'Don't hate the player, hate the game.'
• 'Practice' walking in the hallway when kids are noisy
• After kid is irritated, say 'up high' and hold your hand in the air. When they don't give you five, lower hand and say 'down low' kid still glares, then suddenly yank hand away and say 'too slow'
• Tell those with noserings or liprings that they have food on thier face that they should wipe off
• When asked what we're doing today, say 'The same thing we do every other day... try to take over the world'

I bring this up because I found a new torture method.

When a kid asks a question, I just say 'I told you once', then try to get into an argument if I told them or not. This stems from a pretty funny Monty Python Skit I've heard several times, and have inserted below:

Seeing the frustration makes what I do well worth it, and isn't that what it's all about?

I am always open to more torture methods.

Cindy Lou who

The first round...

Lincoln has been walking all over the place. He's been taking steps for two months, but now walking is his preferred mode of transport. He can stand up without any help, and can bend down an pick things up. He is also obsessed with the letter 'v', he knows how to make the sound and everything, and if you ask him what a cow says, he'll go 'voooooo'.

Plus, it seems the two weeks straight of massive blowouts are over for now. I'm getting tired of giving him a bath everytime he has a messy diaper. Then there's the laundry...

This was a pretty good week of college football. For those of you who missed it, I'll recap.

Ohio State vs Troy at Ohio State. This was closer than expected at the start, but then OSU pulled away in front of thier home crowd. 45 - 17.

Wisconsin used a slight homefield advantage since the game was played at Ohio State to surprize LSU, who could never get going. Just like thier loss at Auburn, they never got into the endzone, while Wisconsin showed that the Big 10 was probably the best conference this year. 24 - 9

Ohio State will play Wisconsin at the Orange Bowl in Miami next week

USC vs. Notre Dame This game had the same result as a few weeks ago. USC avenged thier loss to UCLA by stomping on the Irish in So. Cal. again. 34 - 14

Boise St. vs. Oklahoma. In a game to be played for real Jan. 1, Boise State finally showed they belong by beating an Oklahoma team that should have finished with a better record. Boise State scored with 3:22 left to take a 31 - 27 win

Boise State and USC willplay next week in San Diego at the Holiday Bowl.

Florida beat Cent. Michigan at Florida 55 - 31. The game wasn't really that close, but true to form, Florida allowed a bit of a second half comeback.

Louisville used a high powered offense to beat a Wake Forest team that needs to find a main running back. It was still a game in the 4th but then Louisville pulled away... 35 - 20

Louisville will play Florida at the Fiesta bowl next week.

Michigan destroyed Houston at home 42 - 10. The game was a shutout until midway through the 4th quarter when Houston's defense set up the offense with an interception that went to the 5 yard line.

BYU beat Arkansas (of course) in Ann Arobor. John Beck threw for 3 TD's and ran the game winner in on a quarterback sneak with 4:51 left in the game. 38-35

BYU will play Michigan in the Rose Bowl next week.

IF The Bubs were in charge

Today is Brett's birthday. (Quick check of the calender to make sure it's the 3rd) Happy birthday Brett. Brett is now 31... I was going to make a list of 31 reasons why I'm awesome, but clearly, there are way may than 31, and I wouldn't do myself justice.

So instead for Brett's birthday, I'm going to unveil my college football brackets.

All Div 1 conferences get an automatic invite. If you can't win your conference, then you're not guarenteed of playing for the championship. I didn't punish teams for losing in thier conference championship, I think that's unfair. The top 4 seeded teams host 2 games of the first round. After that, games are played at neutral sites. The championship this year is at the old Fiesta Bowl site in Arizona. Games start on Dec. 9th, and go once a week on Saturdays. The championship game is played on New Years Day. Here's the breakdown:

ACC 1 team, Big East 1 team, Big 10 3 teams, Big 12 1 team, Conference USA 1 team, Mid American 1 team, Mountain West 1 team, Pacific 10 1 team, SEC 3 teams, Sun Belt 1 team, WAC 1 team, Independents 1 team.

Any reasonable human would agree with me on this. The games start this Saturday, Dec. 9th. This is always one of my favorite weekends, because I can sit back and watch 8 competitive college football games... I wonder who the Cinderella team will be this year?

How many points can you score in 3.2 seconds?

BYU can score six, and that was the difference.



That play is only second to this one:




The following is a list of how the refs almost blew it:

1. The fake punt that turned the game around. Officials let a clipping penalty go.
2. Utah runs into the kicker, wipes him out... no call.
3. Overturning a BYU touchdown, when 'conclisive' eidence was not there.

I need to make this list to remind Ute fans that BYU got some bad calls, much worse than the so called 'bad' pass interference calls Utah got called for.

And now I celebrate.

Argue with the drunks Bubs

It's been a long time, but I'm back, but then I'll probably not post for a while again.

My school sent me to Nashville for a middle school convention. I spent one day throwing up in my room... seems like I could have done that at home. I threw up four times, and I'm going to try to find a count up device to put on my blog, so I know exactly how long it's been since I threw up. It took me a couple weeks to get over whatever that was I had in Nashville. I stayed in a hotel near the Grand Ole Opry, and it was quite nice, so at least I had a nice hotel to throw up in.

Turns out that middle school teachers get drunk... probably some sort of defense mechanism. I had this way sweet argument with this drunk guy. I said that The Office had the best theme song on TV.


He disagreed, he said the best theme song on TV was when the models walk out on deal or no deal.

I couldn't find the music, so you're going to have to trust me that I'm right. It was the coolest argument ever, except that one time when a drunk guy threw a mango at me in Venezuela.

After the conference, I hopped on a Greyhound bus headed to Birmingham, Alabama, where Mike aka. Pirate Joe picked me up. I stayed at his and Steph's house, where our boy was throwing up non stop.

Then on the flight home, Ange threw up five times.

Things I learned on this trip
1. Riding that train in the Denver airport is fun.
2. Sitting in a bar drinking only water increases your chances of an argument with someone who is drunk.
3. Baked beans are even more gross when making the return trip from your stomach.
4. Nashville only has country music and NASCAR on television
5. I will only take Greyhound out of desperation
6. A ticket does not guarentee a ride on Greyhound... for that, you must wait in line for 2 hours.
7. Baby food counts as a 'liquid' when going through security at the airport.

In conclusion, a good title for a book about our trip would be "A Guide to Ralphing in Different Parts of the Country".

Don't forget to vote about the best TV theme song.

Tigers fan Bubs

Looks like theTigers are the coolest team left, going to have to turn into Brett.

It also looks like Jim Leyland made a pretty good decision between his fourth and fifth pack of cigs. last Sunday. Lose to KC on purpose to draw an easier team. They made the Yankees look like the Platypi.

In other news, I only have to go to school for 3 days this week. Why? Because the UEA has it's convention this week. This is the only good thing the union does for me... allow time off in early fall. Luckily, they aren't taking any of my hard earned money. I'll let them use others' money to pretend like they're working hard for us teachers.

In conclusion, I almost contributed $20 per mile to a walkathon type thing... like the boss on The Office did. Luckily, I caught myself.

Andy VanSlyke

Baseball Bubs

Chad, you'll be happy to know that I donated your cheestick to Lincoln.

We had a fondue party yesterday with Ange's family. The best part was when Ange tricked her sister's husband into eating a jalapeno, and he about died. Strange, since he has an hispanic last name. The worst part was when I ate a jalapeno of my own free will and about died.

I'm getting in baseball predictions before any games are played:

Twins vs. A's - Twins win 3-1
Tigers vs. Yankees - I hate to say, but Detroit loses 3-1. Yankees have played much better down the stretch. I hope I'm wrong.
Padres vs. St. Louis - Padres 3-1. I've never seen a team back into the playoffs (beep, beep, beep?) like St. Louis, and it seems like the Padres never lose.
Dodgers vs. Mets - Dodgers will be lucky to get one game, but I'll give it to them. Mets win 3-1. Best team in the NL, but hopefully the Dodgers can take them out.

Twins vs. Yankees - If any of the playoff teams can beat the Yanks, I hope it's the Twins, they finished just one game behind in a tougher division. Twins win 4-3
Padres vs. Mets - I just don't see the Mets losing, barring a huge injury. Mets win 4-2

Mets vs. Twins - Give it to the Twins... I think the AL is much better this year, and they have homefield... once again. Twins win 4-3

I think we can all agree on one thing... that New York vs. New York in the world series would be a terrible thing. Let's hope it doesn't happen, and let's hope the world series isn't a sweep for the 3rd year in a row.

Who won last year's series? I've already forgotton.

Go Dodgers

Nomar

Far Side Bubs

There is a good reason why I haven't posted for a while, but I haven't figured out why yet. For the first comment on this post -- the most loyal to the blog of the bubs -- I have a cheese stick. That's right, a cheese stick made from pure 100% mozzerella.

Top Farsides

Remind me on all the ones I missed, please.

14. Wait, cancel that, I guess it says 'helf'.
13. The embarassment of riding off into a fake sunset
12. Hey, what's a mountain goat doing way up here in a cloud bank.
11. The real reason dinosaurs became extinct.
10. Just eat it, number 1, chicken soup is good for the flu, and number 2, it's nobody we know.
9. If we pull this off, we'll eat like kings
8. The boss wants his money, see, or next time won't only be your furniture we rearrange.
7. Here Fifi, faster Fifi.
6. Murray didn't feel the first pangs of real panic, until he pulled the emergency cord.
5. The 4 personality types: (A half full glass of water sits on a table. 1st personality 'The glass is half full'. 2nd personality 'The glass is half empty'. 3rd personality 'The glass is half full, no half empty, wait, half full....'. 4th personality 'Hey, I ordered a cheeseburger!'
4. That does it, I'm going to steer. (Goofy looking guy has run his horse into the only cactus for miles.)
3. Hey Sid, remember that time last summer, we were all gathered 'round the kill like this, and Ernie told a joke, and an antler came out your nose?
2. I thought you might try escaping, so I took the liberty of removing your horses brain.
1. Roy inadvertantly dooms the earth to annihilation when, in an attempt to be friendly, he siezes the leader by the head and shakes vigorously.

Platypi season was pretty bad for fall this year, we notched our first losing record ever. Needless to say, it will help having Brett play on our team next summer.

I did hit my first ever homerun.

And it was a grandslam

But as usual, when I do good, my team does crappy, and when I do crappy, my team does good. I should just try to play crappy all the time.

Platypus #42

Vacationing Bubs

We are now back from our 10 day trip to Idaho. It was a pretty good vacation for the following reasons:

• We were doing something in water for 5 out of 10 days.
• We got to do things we normally don't get to do.
• We were well fed at minimal expense. (Yes, I'm a mooch.)
• Lincoln not only learned how to crawl on hands and knees well, but also learned how to climb stairs, and climb a crib.
• The Dodgers won 8 of 9 games.

Day 1:

We got to Steve and Sharon's cabin by 1:00. They took us down the Snake. Both Clark and Derrick fell out at Kahuna.

Day 2:

We went down the Snake twice more. Clark, Steve and Lauren all fell out of Kahuna, making Matt, and Sharon the only members of the Parry family that didn't fall out, and Clark the only 2 timer.

Day 3:

Sunday, we headed back to Idaho Falls to visit with Grandma and Grandpa, we stayed at John and Renee's house.

Day 4:

Spent the day in Idaho Falls, went and fed the geese on the side of the river.

Day 5:

Went wakeboarding with the Fullers, I of course couldn't get up despite trying about 20 times. Ange got up right away. We cleaned up, and headed out to Island Park to Angela's Aunt Teresa's Cabin.

Day 6:

Went to Big Springs and West Yellowstone.

Day 7:

Went out on Island Park Reservoir for most of the day. Me and Ange were still too sore to try anything from our previous boating trip. When we got back, genius bubs made some pretty sweet dutch oven cobbler. Not so genius bubs took forever to cook the dutch oven turkey.

Day 8:

Ange and I woke up early to go see Mesa Falls, we spent some time there, and then hung out at the cabin for a while. Then we decided to take a huge group of people, and float down the Henry Fork of the Snake. We got let off a few miles up the river, which was a bad idea because the river is slow, and the wind was blowing upstream. When it became obvious that we weren't going to get back to the cabin ever, me and Jordan Miller pulled the rest of the rafts down the river. Everyone was miserable by the end of the trip because the water was cold and it was windy. Lincoln enjoyed the first half hour, but then got fussy. Luckily, he slept the last hour of the float. Smores at the end of the day made up for the debacle.

Day 9:

We went to Yellowstone and saw Upper and Lower Falls, The Mud Volcano, Isa Lake, and Old Faithful. We headed out through West Yellowstone, and tried a Buffalo Burger. I'd have to say I was dissapointed. Mike Fronk made us Buffalo meat one time and it was delicious. This stuff was just like a hamburger, but drier.

Day 10:

We packed up and came back home.

Home Improvement Bubs

I am on vacation right now, longest vacation ever, but it has been fun. Pictures of fun parts to come later, I will not post pictures of the boring parts.

I have been at a cabin by Island Park Idaho the last few days. The cabin has a bathroom that has a window in the shower with a nice view of the river. I got to thinking about how I am a big fan of windows with a nice view in the shower. It was debateable if this window was set to low or not, but I thought I'd like a window with a nice view in the shower of my dream bathroom. Here are some other things I'd like to see in my dream bathroom.

• Multi tiered bathtub with a waterfall
• Toilet with the flush of a jet engine
• Self defogging mirror (Squigee optional)
• Two seperate sinks and mirrors
• Towel warming rack (Heated tile floor would be nice)
• Shower with a steam room option
• Walk in closet
• Jetted tub
• Laundry chute
• Seat availability in the shower
• Built in TV that can be seen from the bathtub and the toilet

I'm sure there are more options out there that I'm not aware of, I will consider them as I learn more about bathrooms.

Bear Lake Monster

Tells the future whilst eating Whoppers Bubs

Formalities first, we went to Kiddie Kandids to get 9 moth old pictures of the boy.

The rest can be seen at:

http://mystudio.kiddiekandids.com/viewshare.asp?c=005231342GDFCSRQQ

I would like to mention that some of the Whoppers I'm eating are a bit chewy, that can't be a good sign, but I carry on.

Chase Utley just extended his hit streak to 35

Sticking with the baseball theme, I will now project this year's playoffs.

First the Senior Circut

Mets vs. San Diego: Mets win 3-2

St. Louis vs. Los Angeles: St. Louis wins 3-1

Mets vs. St. Louis: St. Louis wins 4-2

Now the AL

Detroit vs. Los Angeles: Detrios wins 3-2

Minnesota vs. Boston: Minnesota wins 3-1

Detroit vs. Minnesota: Detroit wins 4-2

World Series:

St. Louis vs. Detroit: St. Louis wins 4-3

That game 7 is going to be hard to win in Detroit.

Other Considerations:

I would have put Toronto in 5 days ago, but they didn't do their usual damage against the Yankees. I think Boston has more firepower than the Yanks, but it would be nice to see Toronto step it up.

I wouldn't have put the Dodgers in 5 days ago, but trades and a recent win streak have given me hope.

I think the Angels have the best team in the West, and will eventually overtake the A's

I think Chicago's recent struggles will continue, and they'll be overtaken by the Twinks. Sorry Matt, but your Manager has some serious issues.

I believe that is all I have to say about that. I think these Whoppers have gone to me head.

Jimmy the Bubs

Out of ideas Bubs

So I don't want to get chewed out by Matt aka The Post Nazi, for not doing a post in a while, but I don't have anything really to say, so enjoy this picture I ripped off an email.

In other news, I have inserted a "toss o' meter" just below the geocaching counter. I would do a fancy one, but I don't know how, maybe Pirate Joe can let me in on all his big secrets. The "toss o' meter" simply counts the number of softball players I've had to eject from games this season. I'm thinking I should write down why they got tossed and put it on my website.

In other news, Link had a huge blowout today while we were out and about. Let's just say that apparently he didn't chew one of the peas Ange gave him, because it came out whole, and covered with...

...anyway, the Platypi page should be updated with todays game info in short order.

The Cheat

Birthday Bubs

Yesterday was my birthday. That's right, I'm now 34. I feel sorry for all those who still have to be 33. As birthdays go, mine wasn't so hot. I had to go to the dentist in the morning, where he worked on my teeth for two and a half hours. My jaw hurt the whole day, because I can't ever open my mouth wide enough, so they have to stick that wedge in there, which isn't very cool.

Then I had to umpire 5 softball games. It was alright, the teams were actually pretty nice, and it was coed. The scorekeeper kept announcing to everyone that it was my birthday, and one game, I wouldn't allow batters in the batters box until they wished me happy birthday. That's the kind of respect you command when you are 34.

The following is a list of worse ways I could have spend my birthday

• Updating my blog
• Helping Mike move into his new place in Virginia
• Watching the Dodgers lose
• Watching the world cup finals
• Sitting two hours in a dentist's chair with my mouth agape while watching the world cup
• Teaching 8th graders
• Getting fingernails pulled out one by one
• Watching the Tour de France
• Living in France
• Living in Oklahoma
• Sinking my teeth in to a yummy chocolate cake only to find out it is German Chocolate Cake
• Eating a coffee flavored Jelly Belly

As it turns out, I feel much cooler being 34, I noticed the difference overnight. That's all I have to say about that.

Forrest

Camping disaster Bubs

Following up on Matt's comment from my last post, I will prove that soccer causes riots via a simpsons episode.




So the Bubs, having the summer off can do things like go camping on weekdays, while the rest of the world is slaving away at thier unfulfilling jobs.

We reserved a campground a few weeks ago, and thus begins the tale.

A few mistakes were made on this camping trip.

Mistake #1 I thought I had reserved a campground in American Fork Canyon, turns out I accidently reserved one by Strawberry Resivour. Here's a visual.

The red car is where I thought we were going... the green car is where we were actually going.

Not bad, I was only off by 40.2 miles. I included our house and dad's house as reference points.

Mistake #2

Taking the baby... this was compounded by Mistake #1. When we got there, I asked the guy if it got cold. He said it was 36 degrees the night before. Our tent is built to be cool in the summer, it isn't necesarily a winter tent. Apparently we lucked out, because it was only 38 degrees. Nevertheless, Lincoln was awake at 3 am with a soaking diaper, and it was so cold. We eventually got in the car, and drove around for 3 hours with the heater on.

On the positive side, we did get to see Duchesne.
This was our campsite.
40 degrees 07.379 North, 111 degrees 02.203 degrees West. 7,715 feet in elevation.

Mistake #3

My sleeping bag is broken, and so I just brought some blankets. Again, I didn't know how cold this place was. I think we're going to have to restrict our tent to 7,500 feet or below.

Mistake #4

Didn't bring any firewood, matches, and even worse marshmellows, so when we were way cold in the morning, the car was the only way to go.

So those were the major bummer points of our little trip.

In good news, we did get to go geocaching.





We found our 8th ever geocache in a place called "Big Hollow" south of Heber. It was a pretty easy find, only about 70 feet off the trail, so Lincoln could come with us.

It had a nice view of the Heber Valley.

This is a picture of the geocache we found.



Our 9th ever cache was easy also, as long as you could find the right road to take. It was just west of Jordanelle, and it had all sorts of kid toys. You can see the cache in its hiding place in the picture to the right. It's the ammo box on the ground. You can also see Lincoln working on my hair.

I'll leave everyone with one more picture below, of the contents of this geocache, and some advice.

When you go camping, make sure you know where you're going, what the temperature will be, and bring along supplies.

Yes, those sunglasses Link's got on are from the cache. In other news, Lincoln is crawling around like crazy, and I just made an heroic save as he tried to go down the stairs. They should invent something that prevents babies from falling down stairs, or make a video game about babies falling down stairs.
In conclusion, Bubba now, Bubba now.

Soccer Hater Bubs

It's not that I hate soccer above anything else. In fact, I gave it a chance -- ask my brothers. I was into the 1994 world cup, because I thought it would be cool, especially since I had just returned from Venezuela. Instead, it was a huge disappointment.

Here are some of the reasons why I hate soccer, as you will see, they are quite reasonable.

• I could make the sport more enjoyable, and I know nothing about soccer

- Do away with offsides determined by defenders, and draw a line on the field, like hockey.
- Don't penalize a team based on how "injured" the other player looks.
- Put the actual time on the scoreboard instead of making it a huge mystery.

• Most penalties don't affect the game much, but if the penalty happens to occur near the goal, it's a huge penalty. That is like awarding a layup attempt for a breakaway foul in basketball that's worth 25 points.

• US will never win, because US athletes don't fake injuries.

• Refs can change the game with thier bad calls more than just about any other sport, since a red card not only means an ejection, but the team now has to play a player short.

• Draws

• "Fans" just sing or blow whistles the whole time.
  

• The team that plays the best wins only 30% of the time. I usually like to see the team that plays the best win. Notable exceptions include BYU, Utah Jazz, and Platypi

That's all my soccer hating for now, I'll let other add reasons as I'm sure I have forgotten a few reasons to hate soccer. The sad thing is I'm sure I'll be sucked into the world cup in 2010.

In other news, I found my first geocache the other day. Pictures of that find to come shortly, it was near Valley Park. Visit the geocaching link for more info.

Also, for those who are interested, I've updated a few videos on millburnland as well as some Platypi stuff. Big game next tuesday. Matt, you should check out the game summaries to make sure you know how the games went.

That is all.

Papa John

Umpire bubs

It is a little known fact to all those who aren't part of the tight knit umpire community that the worst games to umpire are coed games. This is not because coed games are boring to watch, but because there is more whining and complaining in these games than most mens games. The theory goes than the men try to impress the women by constantly crying like a little baby. The logic may seemed flawed to most, but I think these men are thinking 'women like to take care of babies, so I'm going to act like a huge baby, then the woman will think I'm cool'. What they don't realize is that they are niether cute nor cuddly at the ripe old age of 45.

So I am umpiring this coed game yesterday. Here are some of my calls they disagreed with:

8- On a force play to second, the second baseman completely misses the ball. Entire team tells me it was on the transfer, and should be an out. 3rd baseman tries to explain to me what transfer is. I tell them that they need to have caught the ball first. 3rd baseman says he's not arguing, he's 'just trying to make me better'.

7- A hit down the line, right fielder dives for it, but the ball bounces, team gets mad at me because I didn't yell 'fair ball'. I tell them I'm not supposed to yell, they tell me I need to point, I tell them I did point, then they say 'how is the right fielder supposed to see that?'

6- Pitcher throws 3 straight balls about 6 feet deep. Then askes me if I'm calling the plate or the batter. I say 'you know what I'm calling, why do you ask questions to which you already know the answer?'

5- Between innings, team chewed me out for getting a drink and 'delaying the game'. I get behind the plate, and notice they don't have a left fielder yet, the other team notices as well, and promptly hits a lazy fly ball to left field that nobody is there to catch. Team then gets mad at me for starting an inning without all thier players on the field.

4- Pitch hits the center of the plate, catcher claims it hit the 'black'

3- Pitcher asks me clean the plate, then the next pitch is inside, catcher claims that I covered the black on purpose whilst cleaning the plate.

2- Player looks at a perfect strike, and I ring her up, team claims that we are not playing fastpitch.

1- Batter takes off early to run down to first because of a percieved ball 3. The 'ball' was actually a strike, and I called it that way. He then claimed the call was 'horse (expletive deleted)'. Then he hits a double, but is still mad. After the game, he says again that the call was 'horse (expletive deleted)' at which point I observe that he has a limited vocabulary. As he continues to yell at me saying that my call was 'horse (expletive deleted)' I try to reason with him to no avail.

The above list does not include every single pitch that was not in thier favor.

Yes, I hate coed games

Player hater

Camping Bubs

Number 1

I have updated my website, updates include the Platypi page where I have summarized the last few games, and a video page. On the video page, make sure you check out "Canadian Tax". Michael will like it because so many people get 'rung up', Pirate Joe will like the catchy song, Matt will like the political statement -- it works on so many levels.

Number 2

We are going camping right after Lagoon at that one camp spot next to Lagoon, if any one wants to camp out, we have plenty of room, and would love to have you -- unless your name is Osama Bin Laden.

Number 3

We bought a new tent, and set it up, here are the results in jpeg form.

Number 4

We went to the drive in the other night, and saw 'Over the Hedge' and 'Mission Impossible 3'. I thought 'Over the Hedge' was good, I can't tell you about Mission Impossible 3, because predictable, I fell asleep. Here is Ange and Link at the movies.

Number 5

I have a mini early anniversary treasure hunt for ange.

Start at the tree by where we set up the tent,

go 34 steps north

14 steps west

17 steps south

10 steps east

look for a plastic bag

what will it be, feel free to comment on your predictions, as for me, I'm predicting that it will be a banana cream pie.

Homestar

Think in over Bubs

In the history of the world, there have been many poor decisions. Peter made one such decision the other day.

Everyone in the nieghborhood had been warned that the street was going to be repaved, and they would need to stay off for a certain amount of time.

Peter, upon seeing the road blocked, decided to drive past the baricades, via the neighbors grass, through the newly paved street, and into the driveway, blazing a tar trail for all to see.

Of course the cops figured out who the culprit was, and he is now in the hook for $2000, the cost of repaving the road.

Now that's a poor decision, but I don't want Peter to feel bad, so I'm going to list some decisions that were worse than Peter's to drive through fresh tar.

19 - Michael Jackson dangling his baby over a balconey
18 - Refs continually putting time on the clock until the Soviets finally beat the US Olympic Basketball team in Munich.
17 - Dan Rather running with made up stories about George Bush.
16 - Us moving to Tooele. Liked the house, the drive was a killer.
15 - Hitler turning on Russia.
14 - Pete Rose gambling on baseball, and so the only person to record 4,000 hits isn't in the hall of fame.
13 - Rebels attacking a fully functional Death Star in "Return of the Jedi".
12 - The White Sox throwing the 1919 World Series.
11 - Howard Dean's scream. I didn't know a single non fart noise could cost a guy so many votes.
10 - Jimmy Carter trying to spring hostages from Iran with a helicopter rescue.
9 - Tonya Harding hiring someone to club Nancy Kerrigan.
9a - Tonya Harding pleading with judges to let her redo her routine because her shoelace was untied.
9b - Judges going for it.
8 - Matt leaving opened can of rootbeer out all night.
8a - Matt drinking said rootbeer without checking for ants.
7 - Leaving Wild thing in to pitch to Joe Carter.
6 - Richie Phillips talking umpires in to handing in resignations. Quote from some league official "This is either a threat to be ignored, or an offer to be considered seriously."
5 - Marrying Lorena Bobbit.
4 - Yahoo turning down the chance to buy Google early on.
3 - Clinton turning down the chance to bag Osama/Usama Bin Laden before 9-11.
2 - Tony Larussa deciding to have Dennis Eckersly pitch to Kirk Gibson.
2a - All the Dodger fans that left early, you can see thier tailights in the background as the ball flies out of the yard.
1 - Nixon taping conversations in the Oval Office.

Who am I kidding, Peter should be number 1... sorry, I guess I couldn't help out.

In other news, school is out, and it's the Summer of the Bubs.

I'll probably spend it umpiring softball games. I should keep track of the number of times teams argue about an infield fly because it carried one foot onto the grass.

I'll set the over/under at 13.

But then I'd be gambling on softball, and never make the hall of fame.

Bubs "the blaster" Millburn.

En Memorium Bubs

We took Lincoln up to Mom's grave today for memorial day, it was pretty crowded.

He's pretty happy when he's walking...

I can't believe it's been ten years since my mom died. I started thinking of all the things that have happened since then...

In the last ten years...

The earth has travelled 5.8 million miles.

The Red Sox have won the World Series

More amazingly, the White Sox have won the world Series

A juiced up Mark McGuire broke Roger Maris homerun record

A war has broken out

I have bought two houses

I worked at the prison

But more importantly...

Mike Matt and John graduated from high school

Spencer Brett Mike and Christen graduated from college

Brett Mike Matt and John returned after serving honorable misisons

Angela Christen and Rachel married into the family

Maysen Stockton Jorja Lincoln Skye were born into the family with one more on the way

Ten years is a long time... in that amount of time, Mom could be as far as 5.8 billion miles away, assuming there's a speed limit to spiritual travel... I'm sure that's not the case... there has to be some sort of ansiable technology.

I miss you Mom, I can't wait to tell you about my antics down here. I'll omit the embarassing stuff of course, but I think I'll tell you about the time John sent a mass email when he didn't mean to.

Here's another picture of your grandson for the road.

Bubba Bear

Webmaster Bubs

I have to do this web page for one of my masters classes, so check out Millburnland on the links to the left. I'm going to try to maintain a Platypi page. We'll see how this goes.

Lincoln finally has teeth. He's not too happy about it. He got his first two teeth last Tuesday.

This is Link playing with his second cousin Brayden.

Only 9 days left in the school year.

Best things about being a teacher

10- Students still want to learn, even after CRT's are done

9- Respect and admiration from all

8- Students will do anything you ask

7- All that extra cash comes in handy

6- Get to know inmates before they got locked up

5- No insane hoops to jump through

4- Junior High kids are so calm

but seriously...

3- June

2- July

1- August

Next year I'll be a real level 2 teacher. I think that means I'm harder to fire, and President Bush comes and visits me and shakes my hand.

That is all

Kobe

The Goon Bubs

I'm sure it's been a welcome relief to not have to read a new post of mine, so I won't say sorry.

I will say sorry that we had our 11 game softball win streak snapped by Salt Lake Blues. The difference in the game was that the ball bounced their way, and didn't bounce ours. We were constantly lining out to thier team, while their hits were finding holes, and so forth. Our defense also deserted us. We allowed more runs in this one game, than we had allowed in the previous 3. We got them next time.

Look for a future web page deltailing platypi exploits and such.We're now at 3-1.

Lincoln rode Lagoon rides for the first time. He went on the Merry go round, and the train. He liked the animals on the train ride, but hated the whistle. Gave the old pouty lip every time he heard it... much like the organ in church. That leads me to the list...

Best Lagoon Rides

12- Musik Express

11- Rattlesnake Rapids

10- Hydroluge

9- Boomerang

8- The "record" in the old Fun House

7- Tidal Wave

6- Wild Mouse

5- Old Roller Coaster

4- Rocket

3- Spider

2- Colossus

1- Samurai

There's no contest as to the worst ride at Lagoon... The Sky Ride has that honor.

In other news, Natalie went to prom the other day...

Look how our little girl has grown up!

This is what Lincoln thought of her flowers...

I think anyone would agree that flowers look tasty. Finally another gratuitous image of the boy trying to reach something...

Platypi Update

First, Lincoln went to Kiddie Kandids, and took some more pictures, here are a few:



He got his six month shots yesterday... very sad, although he didn't scream as long as before. He measured at the 95th percentile for length, and about the 50th percentile for weight. His head is somewhere around the 40th percentile, needless to say, he doesn't take after his dad in that regard.

I know you have all been waiting for a Platypi update.

We are now 2-0 after last night. We won our first game 21-4, and our second 21-15. We were up by as many as 14 last night, but kind of coasted home. As usual, I learned a few things from our game.

1- Fat guys only have power in little league baseball

2- Lincoln likes to be outside watching softball

3- Our weakness is if the other team hits line drives that drop 20 feet in front of our fielders. Other teams should try to "exploit" that hole

4- If your arm hurts, you shouldn't play centerfield -- We had two players tag up from 2nd and score.

5- If the first 5 batters in your lineup are fast, the other team even assumes the bubs is fast.

6- I should remember to cover 3rd base when I am the 3rd baseman.

7- Christen still hasn't had her baby.

On Saturday, we play Video 2, and on Tuesday, we play the Salt Lake Blues. These are the 2 best teams in the league besides us. If we can get through that stretch, we'll be in business.

We are going to be missing a few players for Saturday's game, so Brett should come down to play.

Pete Rose

Board Bubs

I am just finishing up my final projects for my masters classes. Usually when teachers say projects, they mean a huge paper. That was the case for my first class for which I wrote an 11 page paper, replete with spelling errors and grammatical mistakes I’m sure.

My second class, the teachers told us we could do a creative project, but no one has ever done one before in her class. Our choice was a creative project or a 20 page paper. The choice was clear. Plus the teacher all but double dog dared us to do a creative work.

So I made a board game about motivation. The object is to be the first one to move their teacher piece and their student piece from August to June. It involves a time machine for which you have to answer a motivation question correctly in order to skip half the year.

So that got me thinking about another list.

My Favorite Board Games

20 – Life – this is more like a bored game
19 – Scrabble – most overrated game in the history of the world… that might be an exaggeration.
18 – Trivial Pursuit – What group of people occupied Spain from 711 to 1492? The Moops.
17 – Checkers – King me
16 – Candyland – Extra points for the unique player movement situation
15 – Chinese Checkers
14 – Careers
13 – Chess
12 – Uncle Wiggly – Props for the sweet name
11 – Monopoly – I’m not sure if I’ve ever finished
10 – Clue – or Simpson’s Clue… Homer at the Bowl-a-rama with the poisoned doughnut
9 – Compatibility – John and Devin win by choosing the clown every time
8 – Mancala - I dominate my students at this game all the time. Silly kids.
7 – Sorry!
6 – The Farming Game – with Topinish Tom et. al.
5 – Backgammon – only this high because Matt worships this game
4 – Risk – Back in the good ol’ days, I’d dominate Brett, Chad and Justin when we played at the cabin
3 – Pirateer – The game of outrageous fortune
2 – Aggravation – Matt usually wins because he can roll a 6 on command
1 – Settlers of Catan – Good game, plus the bargaining aspect is a plus.

So… if anyone has a better name for my game than ‘motivopoly’ then let me hear it. And no suggestions with the word ‘nerd’ or any other derisive word in it… this is serious business.

The Donald

Bumper Car Bubs

First things first, here is this year's summer softball schedule...

4-18 6 pm
4-25 8 pm
5- 2 7 pm
5- 9 9 pm
5-16 7 pm
5-23 6 pm
5-30 9 pm
6- 6 9 pm
6-13 6 pm
6-20 7 pm
6-27 7 pm
7-11 6 pm
7-18 8 pm
7-25 9 pm

For those intersted, here is a list of teams in our league:

Salt Lake Blues
Demay Plumbing
XMission L C
Video 2
Building Dynamics
Rocky Mountain Carpets
R Wood CPA

Our first game is against Video 2, then Demay.

Yesterday was my first Lagoon day of the season. Short lines = much fun. Bad news, Wild Mouse is waiting for parts that have been 'delayed'. Cliffhanger was up and running according to Clark. I didn't see it with my own eyes, so consider the source. Mike Tyson's Punch Out is also up and running for it's second year of operation.

We spent an hour or so at Boomerang trapping people as usual. I was exposed to a new form of fun. This one kid chased after Clark's friend the entire time shouting 'You stole my car'. I thought that was a pretty good one, clearly not as good as our strategy, but somewhat creative. Needless to say, he was our 'target' for the next several times.

Mork

Road Trip Bubs

This is my 40th post, and I can't think of a better way to celebrate my 40th posting than by telling everyone about our quick trip to Idaho Falls.

Clark and Lincoln went with me since nobody else would. Clark took this picture of Lincoln on the way up with his cell phone.

Notice the drool on his chin. Yes, Lincoln is a drooly baby.

Of course we were late, so we went straight to Chad's reception. Luckily, I am the master at finding things, even in a Foreign city, where they don't always put Easts or Wests on thier addresses, so I found the place without incident.

I'd have to say the food was pretty good, as was the reception, but anyone knows that receptions are judged by food, so if the food is good, that automatically makes the reception good unless an ugly incident breaks out. I hope I go to a reception one day that is serving steak. That's a good idea for Brett. If he wants to have a good reception, he should serve steak, and avoid ugly incidents.

Courtney's baby Tarak (sp?) was there, Lincoln and Tarak were excited to see each other...

After the reception, we went to the Fullers, where Jackson witnessed the most intense Double Dribble game on a big screen known to mankind. Needless to say, I beat Clark.

Frank and Tammi were nice enough to let us stay the night, and mooch their food. We visited with Grandma and Grandpa for an hour the next day, went of to see the Parry's for a little bit, and headed home.

We stopped off in Far West at a McDonalds that was so decked out, I almost left a tip. I figured I should change Lincoln's diaper, but he wasn't wet or messy, so we carried on... big mistake. When we got home, Lincoln had not only covered himself, but also his carseat with poo. And that was how Ange got to see her baby for the first time in 24 hours... covered in poo. She was so excited, that she wanted to change him, which I didn't complain too much about.

That'll do 'er

TV's Frank

TV Film Critic Bubs

Oh boy

I just got done watching the Ten Commandments. I didn't see much of the second half as I was packing for Idaho. I do have some comments on the first half

Things I found absurd about the first half of the new Ten Commandments TV movie:

No particular order

- Aaron is mega jelous

- Burning Bush looks more like the singing bush... I was half expecting to see Steve Martin. "Excuse me, are you the singing bush?"

- I am who I am? That sounds like Popeye. The real quote would be "I am that I am."

- The first 40 years of Moses's life only occupy 10 minutes of the movie.

- Moses has this huge chip on his shoulder the entire time.

- Miriam has an English accent.

- No 'aging' after visiting the buring bush.

- After 40 years in the desert, comes back to Egypt still looking like a spring chicken.

- Moses's rod only kills Pharoah's snakes instead of eating them.

- Some madman has a spaz, thus prompting Pharoah to kill all the little boys.

- I only counted 8 curses.

- Moses pushes open Egypt gates Aragorn style.

- Red Sea is split by an underwater A-bomb

Plus

After someone thells Pharoah to let the slaves go, Pharoah kills him, then asks if anyone else has the same counsel, thus purposefully surrounding himself with a bunch of yes men.

Yes, I know people like that.

Ange also thought it was ironic how they were talking letting the slaves go and so forth, and the news teasers were about the immigrant 'slaves' the entire time.

I'm in Idaho to see Chad et. al.

Bubble Boy

Copyright Bubs

Ange wanted me to enter the picture below in this one baby picture contest. The rules were that there had to be a hat involved, and I guess it needed to be on a baby. In the picture below, that baby is Lincoln.Clearly he has a hat on, unfortunately, said hat does not have three corners, nor is it my hat. Cathy made this one for him, her first attempt was to small for his head. Like father like son.

Anyway, I was reading the fine print, and apparently I don't own the copyright to this picture anymore. I am putting it up anyway just to defy 'the man'. I feel like Kramer when he sold all his stories to Peterman, and then couldn't tell them to his friends anymore.

Peterman: "The very pants you were taking to the dry cleaners?"

They provided an option to send emails to all my friends about how they should vote for Link. I think this is both annoying and unfair. They are clearly trying to drive traffic to their website. I will not be party to such tactics. Plus, I know all my 'friends' would have just voted for some other baby.

In conclusion, we'll know it's rigged when the ugly baby wins.

Elaine: Some night huh?
Doctor guy: Yes, some night.
Elaine: Some ugly baby.

The Villain

Cecil B. Demille Bubs

I’ve got to get this in before conference starts… and yes John, I am going to pretend like I want to watch conference.

Yesterday, I was watching some America’s Funniest Home Videos, known as AFV. Why it’s not known as AFHV, I’ll never know. I think it has a better ring to it, like ADHD, but anyway…

I’m watching a cat jump into a window, and a dog dragging himself down the stairs, and a guy getting hit in the crotch by his kid’s baseball bat, and Tom whoever making bad jokes when mercifully, they went to commercial.

ABC was pumping up their new version of The Ten Commandments. Now, I know how TV networks always mess up,(drop good shows, bad movie about Noah, etc.) so I have a few suggestions for these fools.

Lines/things that need to be kept in the new Ten Commandments from the old Ten Commandments

13- Blood makes poor mortar.
12- So let it be written, so let it be done.
11- Thus sayeth the Lord God of Israel: Let my people go.
10- There needs to still be that one evil Israelite guy.
9- The movie needs to be long so Grandpa Millburn can still compare long things to the Ten Commandments.
8- Moses jumping in the mud with the rest of the Israelites
7- Behold His mighty hand!
6- How Moses ages several years after his vision at the burning bush.
5- Just give me those pastel shelled chocolate candies. (Wait, that’s on my list of suggestions for the Easter Bunny)
4- O Moses, Moses. You stubborn, splendid, adorable fool
3- God opens the sea with a blast of His nostrils!"
2- When Moses destroys the golden calf by throwing the tablets at it… big explosion.
1- His God is God.

In conclusion, if any of these things are missing, the movie is dumb, and whoever made it doesn’t know what they’re doing.

We’ve all heard of the disaster that was the remake of the Poseidon Adventure. I think this movie is on TV next weekend.

That will do it from here for now

Peace Out

Charlton Heston (spell check)

Wise Bubs

At 3 in the morning today, we hear Lincoln screaming. He has been sleeping through the night, se we ignored it for a while, but he was persistent. Ange asked me to make sure he was OK.

I got to his crib, and realized that he has added half a twist to his ‘push his head into a corner of the crib’ trick. So he’s lying on his stomach, which he hates, with his face plastered into the corner of the crib. It was pretty funny. I turned him over, and all was well.

Also, he had his first ‘log’ yesterday. It’s about time I can call him Lincoln Logs. Ange just calls him ‘Logs’ for short.

In other news, I had four students walk out to ‘protest’ the immigration bill the Senate was considering. Like they really wanted to protest, they just wanted to get out of class. I told them they should stage a protest for their real problem… the fact that they have to be in class. Now that’s a protest.

I figure you could use some uplifting sayings, with a few comments from the bubs, so here it is.

Proverbs:

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. - True, a garden can be carried in the pocket.
A closed mouth catches no flies. - So why would we want to eat flies?
A dimple on the chin, the devil within. - Sounds like this one is talking about me and Lincoln
A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master. - Self explanatory
A good husband is healthy and absent. - Oh boy
A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel. - I know plenty of scoundrels who own dogs or cats.
A hungry man is an angry man. - This applies to women too.
A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly. - So if you think your baby’s cute, you’re a monkey?
A single Russian hair outweighs half a Pole. - Maybe bragging about how fat they are?
A teacher is better than two books. - That’s some high praise for a teacher
A thief believes everybody steals. - And so does the bubs, who worked at the prison.
A tree falls the way it leans. - Sounds like another Michael Moore conspiracy
A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
A woman has the form of an angel, the heart of a serpent, and the mind of an ass. - I didn’t write it… I just put it up for your enjoyment… I’m not here to make judgments
After shaking hands with a Greek, count your fingers. - Those Greeks like to steal fingers.
An Englishman will burn his bed to catch a flea. - Stupid English, and they think we’re dumb for electing W.
As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. - I think this one’s in the Bible… not sure where… probably in Proverbs.

Confucius

PS. My no vomit streak is back up to 19 days

Merciful Bubs

Looks as if winter will never end. That’s just as well, the kids are more rowdy if the weather is nice.

My list today only applies to the last 50 years or so…

Greatest Miscarriages of Justice

13- Steph hit me with a bat because I burped… and I was the one who got in trouble.
12- We lost a Region basketball game while I was coaching Mike’s team, because the refs allowed the scorekeeper (father of a child on the other team) to count a ten footer as a 3 pointer. I told the ref I was going to be way mad if we go to overtime. Sure enough… and the rest is history. Plus the ref told me I was the worst ‘sport’ he’s ever seen.
11- Some nerd accused me of sleeping on the job at the prison. I may not be bright, but I know better than to fall asleep at the prison.
10- Judy Miller putting the Kibosh on my cookie business.
9- Me getting diagnosed with ADHD by Jim Jensen, aka genius psychologist.
8- We were watching a movie in 7th grade, and Danny Delahunty was sitting in front of my seat, but on the floor. I leaned over to say something to him… the next thing I know, I have to stay after school for a week, cleaning desks because I ‘spit’ on him.
7- That one baseball field that got turned into a senior citizen’s center.
6- Bubs getting ganged up on while playing Mafia.
5- Hilary Duff’s little sister losing an election to Pedro.
4- Arrested Development being cancelled. I can think of a lot of shows that were cancelled that shouldn’t have been, this is just the latest in a long line… 3rd Rock from the Sun also comes to mind.
3- Kangaroo Jack doing poorly at the box office.
2- Matt winning a backgammon game versus his companion, when his comp only had one piece left, and Matt didn’t have one piece in.
1- Wile E. Coyote never getting the roadrunner despite genius plans and help from ACME.

There sure is a lot of injustice in the world. Notice that I restrained myself from sports for the most part. I don’t have enough time to go through all the injustices the Jazz have suffered at the hands of evil refs.

Or the injustice the Angels suffered at the hands of the evil White Sox. I guess if it’s been 80+ years since you’ve won, it’s alright to cheat to get the victory.

Just like the Bulls cheated against the Jazz, except it had been 11+ months since the Bulls had won a championship.

Big Mac

Glass Cleaning Bubs

The Faculty played the boys basketball team today for a good one. I once again told my class that if I go scoreless, they all get A’s. Obviously, I wasn’t going to go scoreless, because there were only 6 of us.

Anywhoo… 7 seconds into the game, I made a three from the corner, right in front of my class. They took it in stride. The best good one is that they actually kept stats for this game. Here are mine:

2 pts - 2 - 2
3 pts - 1 - 3
FT - 2 - 2
Reb 7
Ast 2
Pts 9

In the second quarter, I had a breakaway lay-up, and this tall kid caught up to me, and swatted the ball into the back wall, then landed on me, and sent my head into the back wall. I got up and made both free throws… that’s what I needed to make free throws, a severe blow to the head. Plus the student body for the next five minutes chanted “You got swatted” every time I touched the ball. I didn’t feel like stopping the game to explain to them that if a foul is called, there is no ‘swat’. Plus, now I have this huge headache.

Then I got that kid back in the forth quarter by diving for a loose ball, and undercutting him. Then he got in my face all tough like. Then I told him to not hate the player, but to hate the game. I made that last part up… about hating.

We were up by 18 at the start of the 4th, and ended up winning by 8, because we were all gassed. In the end, fun was had by all, except for that one kid on the boys team, who looked like that Morrison character from Gonzaga, but in a bad/nerdy way -- and he’s white, and he has no 'stache and he’s slamming his fists into the floor every second.

So, that should do it.

Ralph Nader

John and the Bubs

Today is John's birthday... in honor of the spellcheck nazi, I will post some things that have come to mind about John.

15- UVSC basketball class we had together where the two of us with Devon dominated everyone.
14- Seinfeld marathon before he left on the mish
13- Sledding, I'm sure he's got some stories to share
12- His mega huge mission comp. that fell in the bathtub and broke it.
11- Made, or was a part of homemade movies about many topics including: Lawnmowing, Soccer, and Dunk Contests. (Zee-wo)
10- Favorite movie: Mr. Holland's Opus
9- When his team was losing, had a convenient injury
8- Wiffleball homerun leader
7- The Bubs decided to take John and friends hiking -- it was a nice hike until we tried to get to the top of the waterfall, which meant hiking over a huge ridge, and hanging on to a cliff. Bubs learned his lesson about taking John and friends hiking.
6- Brett teaching John to catch a ball by "eating it, then swallowing it"
5- His only homerun in little league was a towering shot into a huricane force wind, that cleared the fence by 75 feet.
4- Played the Bubs in basketball downstairs, the Bubs always let him win. What a nice brother.
3- Got hit by a car on the 4th of July in Missouri.
2- Got lost on Lone Peak
1- Fell into the river at Tanner's Flat when he was 2 or so. Luckily Steph was there to save the day.

So, I believe that is at least 4 near death experiences that I can come up with off the top of my head. I'm sure there have been more.

Happy Birthday John

The big two three (or so)

The North Going Zax

Wedding Planner Bubs

For those of you who couldn't make it through my last entry, I have a new link where you can see pictures of Link. It's called Picture Pages.

In other news, I was talking to Matt via IM just barely. He has a picture of the Iraqi Information Minister up. Am I the only one who thinks Matt looks exactly like that guy?

On to the list today... and today's list is not a list... it is a schedule of Brett and Rachel's wedding.

I know things can be stressful for people about to be married, so I took the liberty of putting together a schedule for them. If anyone doesn't like the activity planned, they can just go shopping or something.

May 18

4:00:00 pm - Wiffle Ball at the Millburn's house.
6:00:00 - Rehersal Dinner at some fancy restaurant where the butter looks like rasberry ice cream. Pirate Joe knows what I'm talking about.
6:10:00 - Beging eating
6:40:00 - Begin slideshow of select cute pics of Lincoln
7:40:00 - Begin slideshow of all of Brett's cute pictures
7:40:01 - End slideshow, Brett tells story of almost getting beat up at the dirt hills
8:30:00 - Raquetball at Mike's old place
10:00:00 - Watch Mystery Science Theater's "Space Mutiny"
12:00:00 - Retire to bed - Brett dreams of Sugar Plums

May 19

8:00:00 - Arise refreshed
8:10:00 - Breakfast at dad's (waffles)
8:20:00 - Wiffle Ball
10:00:00 - Play Pillage and Plunder
12:00:00 - Wedding Lunch at Wingers
1:00:00 - Wiffle Ball, though we'll all be bogged down, an option here is frisbee golf
2:00:00 - Wedding stuff
4:00:00 - Basketball at the Institute
5:00:00 - Wedding dinner at Tony Roma's
6:00:00 - Reception at an undisclosed location so terrorists can't attack us
9:00:00 - Croquet at Millburn's

So all the planning is over for you guys. I'll waive my usual $5,000 fee for this service because you're family. I hope to see everyone there, again, the fun begins May 18th... just show up at the Millburn's house for a good time.

Bullwinkle

Bitter Bubs

With the WBC winding down, I would like to point out how teams I root for never do well. Here is a list of how I'd want the eight teams that advanced to the second round to finish...

8 - Cuba
7 - Japan
6 - Korea
5 - Venezuela
4 - Mexico
3 - Dominican Republic
2 - Puerto Rico
1 - USA

You will notice a few things, first of all, My 7th and 8th pick are the ones in the final... I guess I'm going for Japan, but either way, we're going to hear about how either Cuba or Japan play baseball the 'right' way.

You may have also noticed that I have Venezuela pretty low for someone who has spent time there. It's because of their stupid president.

Also, Puerto Rico is number 2 because it really is part of the US. A win for Puerto Rico is the same as a win for the US in my book.

Now for some long-awaited pictures of Lincoln.

We took him to the doctor the other day to get his shots -- Which is a very traumatic/sad experience. Lincoln is 96 percentile for height... he has grown about 6 inches in 4 months... he is almost as tall as his 11 month old cousin... so obviously, we are going to need to move from our present location, because niether Lincoln nor the ceiling fan will be safe

So without further adieu

OK...looks like there's going to be more adieu... after several attempts at loading a picture, it looks like I'll have to try later.

So on that note...

The End

Scooter

PS I finally went another route with the pictures... I used photo bucket like Christen. If you are still interested in pictures of the little guy, click on 'Picture Pages' under my Links.

WBC Bubs

Brett's posting prompted me to make a few comments about the World Baseball Classic, before it goes away.

First of all, does anyone know if this is a yearly event or what? I hope so.

I watched the entire USA v Mexico game on the first day of the NCAA tourney. I never thought that could happen.

Cool things about WBC

Early Baseball Fix
Every game actually matters
Covered by mlb tv
All Stars
Get to finally root for players I hate, but that dominate

Not So cool things about WBC

We couldn't make the semi's in our own tournament
The only time Jeter doesn't show timely hitting is when I'm rooting for him
I have to celebrate when Chipper goes deep
Bad officiating -- I don't think major league umps would have missed as many calls, sad but true.
Japaneze lead the tourney in stolen bases... I thought stealing a base was considered 'dishonerable' in Japan baseball.
Americans don't seem to care as much as other countries
Nonstop people talking about how this tournament was dumb, and nobody watched.
Bud Selig

Weird (did I spell that right Matt?) things about WBC

Tiebreaker system -- when Mexico hit that homerun that got ruled not a homerun, and they were arguing -- at that point, them scoring a run eliminates them from the tournament. If they could have gone into the 13th inning tied 0-0, then hit a 3 run homer, they would have advanced.

The Netherlands (or whoever) are the team that pitched the no-hitter

Bud Selig

ESPN telivising early games, and then not telivising the USA game later that day.

Pitch counts

US with one of the higher batting averages, and lower run totals.


I think I've finally put all my thoughts on blog about this.

That would be all

Grandpa Simpson

Big Dance Bubs

Today is the best day of the year. The beginning of the NCAA tourney, where for several days, you can turn on the TV, and see basketball. This is by far the best sporting event in the world. I wish the NBA would wake up and realize that there is no reason to have a seven game series.

There are a few things that annoy me about the tournament, so that is today’s list…

Billy Packer nonstop complaining about how another east coast team didn’t get in - Is it asking too much to finish in the top 8 of your conference to get invited?

Halftime

Pat O’Brien leaving CBS sports to work for Access Hollywood or whatever. (Wait, that’s on my list of strangest career moves)

Rick Majerus saying Offense (Oh - fence)

How I always get burned by picking teams I like

People that brag nonstop about picking an upset. They didn’t know the one team was going to win, they just got lucky.

Infinity timeouts at the end of games

Commercials at the end of games last 8 minutes. Maybe Matt needs it, but I don't need that much time for a bathroom break.

Gonzaga was underrated for years, and now every year, they’re overrated.

My bracket is always ruined 2 hours into day 1

Enjoy the tournament… also USA v. Mexico today, a USA win would get them to the semi’s -- good thing since this is our tournament.

The Scarlet Pimpernel

Canadian Bubs

It seems it has been a while since I’ve posted an entry. I ‘m still trying to recover from that BYU game. How is it that refs always know who I’m rooting for, and manage to lose games for my favorite teams? I’m willing to bet that most of us could score on Plaisted if no rules apply. This wouldn’t have happened if BYU had just blown them out like they should have.

On to the World Baseball Classic. Good one how Canada beat the US 8-6. Unfortunately, that led a certain Canadian I know to believe that Canada is better than the US. Then Canada doesn’t even advance past the first round.

So… I decided to make a list on why Canada Sucks

12- The Canadian Football League – I dare anyone to name one improvement these guys made on real football.
11- Celine Dion – pretty much self explanatory.
10- They have crappy bacon – It’s true.
9- Non-existent military – I think me and Pirate Joe could take over the place armed with a Sharpie and a Peanut Butter Sandwich. Who's going to stop us? The Mounties?
9a- Where were these guys in World War 1 and World War 2? They probably didn’t see Hitler as a threat, because who would want to take over that place?
8- The Toronto Maple Leafs… Isn’t plural for ‘leaf’ leaves? Not that I'm big on spelling, but you'd think they'd bother to spell their team name right.
7- 13th grade – Yes, they go to 13 grades… that’s the rumor.
6- Cost of living is through the roof
5- The street signs don’t tell you what you can’t do (as in ‘no left turn’) they only tell you what is permissible. Mike Smith has my back.
4- 70% income tax – and for what? So they can have a crappy heath care system?
3- Worst weather in the world
2- Gay Marriage
1- Their monopoly money is worthless. (Remember when Homer went to Canada, and was bribing people nonstop for ‘1 American dollar’?)

That should just about wrap things up. The US vs. Japan game is starting right now. I’m going to get on the internet, so Brett can’t watch.

Paul Riser

Tourney Bubs

The following are my predictions for the Mountain west tournament:

Now I know a lot of you are thinking that I only predicted BYU to win, because that's who I want to win. That is true, but it is also true that BYU is the hottest team in the conference right now, so you could say I'm going with the hot hand.

I think BYU does have the toughest road of the favorites in the tourney... they have to beat their rival, who for some reason only wants to play when they are playing against BYU, then they have to beat the top two teams. (If everything goes to form)

SDSU has a much easier road in that their first round game is a gimme (CSU's played well lately, and their close to home, SDSU's too good for them). I think they overlook Vegas, and UNLV will play BYU in the championship.

I'm going to go ahead and pretend that Air Force gets out of the first round for once, then loses to BYU. I don't think a team that relys on the 3 ball so much can win three straight tournament games.

I think the MWC will send SDSU to the big dance, and the winner of BYU/AFA. If the commitee were thinking clearly, I think BYU would be a lock, but for some reason, thier RPI is low, and none of the 'experts' think they're in. I think they deserve to be in more than the 7th ACC or Big 10 team -- probably because I'm a fan.

Begging Bubs

With me being sick for the last couple of weeks, I've forgotten a few things. One of them is to register the Platypi. I'm sure there are still spots available, but I don't have the funds to make it happen. We need to come up with $400+ to register. I am pretty good at getting money back, so anyone that fronts money will get it back (the first three years of Platypi, I lost more than $1000, so I had to learn to get money.) Anyone that has any ideas, or can front all or part of the money -- let me know., but it needs to happen soon. Thank You

Reb Nahem - the beggar

Supporting Bubs

I had just finished and published this post when the power went out. I lost everything, so I'll try again.

First for a recap of the last 12 days or so.

The Bubs gets the chills

The Bubs has the flu

The Bubs throws up

The Bubs goes to the doctor, the doctor says the Bubs has Laryngitis

The Bubs continues to be miserable, and goes to an instacare since it is Sunday

The doc lady at the instacare gives the Bubs a clean bill of health, and some anti-nausea medication which causes the Bubs to throw up in a Walgreen's parking lot

The Bubs goes to his doctor, doctor says the Bubs has pneumonia, and that the Bubs should be on a clear liquid diet

The Bubs ignors doctors advice and decides to have a Chalupa Supreme

The Bubs gets a first hand look at what liquid Chalupa mixed with acid looks like.

The Bubs begrudgingly eats only Jell-O for the next day.

The list I decided on for today is a list of best supporting characters in TV shows I could remember, I know I'll forget some, but I'm counting on you to fill in the overlookees.

14-Fozzie - The Muppet Show
13-Ralphie - The Simpsons
12-Norm - Cheers
11-Fonzie - Happy Days
10-The Soup Nazi - Seinfeld
9-KITT - Night Rider
8-Boner - Growing Pains
7-Erkel - Don't know the name of the show
6-Gibler - Full House
5-Frank Costanza - Seinfeld
4-Chloe - 24
3-Jimmy James - News Radio
2-GOB - Arrested Development
1-Roscoe - The Dukes of Hazzard

I'd say that's good enough to get things going. All you spellcheck nazi's out there, I'm sure there's mistakes. Don't try to impress your friends by pointing out all the typos. Seriously, that's annoying. It's not like anybody is wondering what I'm trying to say, and that is the point of language after all.

That'll do Pig

Frustrated Bubs

I am still sick… this is getting frustrating, because I’ve been sick now for more that a week. I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said the only thing I can do is wait it out. So I’m thinking: ‘what good are you?’

In other news, I’ve lost my voice, and he says that I shouldn’t use it for 5 days. Not sure how that’s going to go over at work.

I’ve decided to make a list of reasons why it’s nice to be sick.

Breakfast in bed
Nobody cares if you burp or fart
You can do other gross things like John’s famous ‘pan ‘o snot’
Watch non-stop TV
Don’t have to get up and do anything
You can sleep forever


That’s about all I can think of right now.

Can’t wait until this illness is a distant memory… I haven’t been able to play with my boy for a long time.

Sponge Bubs

Crabby bubs

I have good news and bad news... the bad news is that I'm still sick. The good news is I didn't throwup today. Then I decided since I was able to not throwup, that was a sign that I should go to work. I lost my voice halfway through the school day. Not good. Week number 1,754 is shaping up to be a pretty crappy one for the bubs.

In fact, this week's been so bad that there is no list today.

In other news, I need to try to figure out where to take about 100 Junior High kids on a field trip that would be fun and educational. Any ideas? Remember, they can't go to Germany to challenge Matt at raquetball.

That's all for now.

Fidel Quackenbush

Sick Bubs

This post isn’t for the faint of heart, or the weak of stomach… You’ve had your warning… I don’t want to hear any complaining.

I had a fun morning, I tossed and turned in my bed for 3 hours before I decided to throwup. Great relief was had upon throwing up, but then I had to hurry off to school to get stuff ready for my sub.

I hate throwing up, because it has to be a conscious decision for me to throwup. I have to decide to ‘let go’, and let ‘er rip. I wrestled with that decision, until I decided I’d take care of a few errands, then go throw up.

Then it comes down to the actual moment when I am kneeling in front of the toilet. I feel like one of those religious martyrs, except instead of paying the price with blood, I pay it with leftover chunks of food my stomach was unable to digest.

So I’ve decided to make a list of reasons why I hate throwing up:

10 - It makes my eyes water
9 - I hate that sour acid taste
8 - I hate the smell of the toilet before I get it on. (Yes, I do flush beforehand)
7 - Usually comes after 3 hours of deliberation
6 - My knees usually start to hurt
5 - I think how I’ve wasted food
4 - I am immediately hungry, but don’t want to eat any food.
3 - I don’t like the look of liquid food mixed with hydrochloric acid
2 - It hurts my stomach
1 - Dry heaves by far the worst, it’s like doing a lot of work, and seeing no results, knowing in seconds you’re going to do it all over again.

I thought it was time you guys know my true feelings on the matter.

I would rather mop cement, then throwup.

Roscoe P. Coltrane

Conspiracy Bubs

So I’m over at Ange’s mom’s house, and I get up to use the bathroom. As I’m walking to the bathroom, I’m thinking how it seems like I have those one chills you get when you’re sick.

Then I get back and find the nearest blanket to get under. Before I know it, I’ve got a fever. Ange got me home, and I spent a miserable night last night. My temperature got up to 102. I feel fine as long as a take Tylenol and Ibuprofen every 4 hours.

So I was amused last week how some people thought the Dick Cheany shooting was to cover up the fact that Cheany had earlier shot the guy in the heart. Oh boy.

So for today’s list….

Top crazy conspiracy theories

It should be pointed out that I don’t believe any of these theories… except maybe #10, because my US History teacher Mr. Ward told me so…

10 - FDR and the US knew about Pearl Harbor before it happened

9 - Apollo 11 Moon Landings were faked by NASA

8 - Barcodes are really intended to Control people

7 - The Truth is out there, on Area 51

6 - Microsoft sends messages on Wingdings Font – If you type in NYC in Wingdings font, it gives a skull and crossbones, the star of David, and a thumbs up sign. Interpreted by some people to mean that Microsoft approves of killing Jews.

5 - U.S. military caused the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami

4 - This one is more of a coincidence…

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary, Kennedy, warned him not to go to the theatre.
Kennedy's secretary, Lincoln, warned him not to go to Dallas.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are comprised of fifteen letters

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

3 - Supreme Court Justices were murdered, so the administration could appoint judges that would let friends destroy Louisiana wetlands. (Wait, that’s the plot of The Pelican Brief)

2 - The Challenger explosion. The theory is that they let the teacher go into space, and during her training she learned that the government was doing stuff through NASA that they shouldn't have been doing, and to make sure that she'd stay quiet, they blow up her shuttle.

1 - September 11 was orchestrated by the U. S. government – There are people that actually believe this one, including some BYU physics professor. They point to all sorts of ‘proof’ from a weird way of folding a 20, to the way the buildings fell. Wierdos

Here is a good site for Seinfeld quotes for those interested: http://www.pkmeco.com/seinfeld/

Also, I would like to mention that I have officially put Hershey’s chocolate syrup on my ‘dead to me’ list, and I’ve put Olympics coverage ‘on notice’. Seriously, I’m watching cross country skiing right now.

The Villain

Nose Dropper Bubs

Free day today… all those hours at Parent Teacher Conference are starting to pay off. Lincoln is feeling much better. He is starting to notice things and reach for them. Here are a few things he’s interested in…

The Vacuum Cleaner
The Mirror
His Boppy
Carebears
The nightlight
His fingers
Daddy's face (Especially eyes)

But the thing he is always looking for is this bottle of Neo Synephrine that has a nose dropper used to clear up a stuffy nose. He knocks it over, and then laughs.

For today’s entry, I thought I’d list some funny lines from Seinfeld. By all means, the list is not complete, and they are in no particular order…

Funny Seinfeld lines

George: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past 20 years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduce them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!

George: My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents

George: It was at that moment I decided to tell her I was not a marine biologist.

Karmer: Yeah, that would be nice. But I really just need this card.

Jerry: How could they not fire you?
George: I never thought I'd fail at failing.
Jerry: Aw, come on there, now.
George: I feel like I can't do anything wrong.

Steinbrenner: You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?
Frank: What the [heck] did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the [heck] you're doin'!

Jerry: That is one magic Lugi

George: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. It's not complicated.

DMV lady: According to the state of New York, sir, you are the [Ace]man.

Bookie: Susie didn’t commit suicide! She was murdered… by Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry: Newman, you wouldn’t eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce

Elaine: What, did they make it longer? (English Patient)

Jerry: You find the need to use alot of profanity in the dentist's office?
Kramer: When the pull out that needle, I let the explatives fly!

George: These pretzels are making me thirsty!

George: You can do a LOT worse than Mr. Peanut!

George: If anything happens here can I count on you?
Jerry: What?
George: If we decide to go at it.
Jerry: Yeah, I want to get into a rumble.

George: Don't we have a deal with the pigeons?"
Jerry: Of course we have a deal. They get out of the way of our cars, we look the other way on the statue defecation.

Jerry: Why don't you put it in the car so I don't accidentally toss it in that dumpster.

George: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?

Elaine: Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Al Pacino? You know, Scent Of A Woman? Hoo-wah! Hoo-wah!

Looks like that will do it for another blog entry. Lincoln is crying, so I’m going to try to find that nose dropper.

The Drake

Bugged Bubs

Welcome to today’s entry in my blog. Lincoln still has a little RSV going on, but I think he’s getting better… It’s been a week, so I figure it’s time.

Today is Valentine’s day of course, and the geniuses that run our school district decided it would be a good day for parent teacher conferences. I would agree, if I didn’t want to see any parents at all. Apparently, they are all out trying to build their marriage, while teachers sit at tables, bored to tears. Nobody yelled at me today, so that’s a plus.

Today, I am going to list off some pet peeves, this is by no means a comprehensive list, but I thought I’d get one started, to be added to later.

And for any of you who forgot, Mike’s pet peeve is the Pehrson’s dog…

Pet Peeves of the Bubs

12 - Emails that try to guilt trip you into forwarding them on (Forward this to 10 people or you’ll die today)
11 – When it’s warm during the day, but cold in the morning, thus causing me to drive halfway to work before I notice that I have the air conditioner on.
10 - Cleaning up ketchup
9 - Students turning in tons of work at the end of the quarter
8 - People with no sense of humor
7 - Rated R movies are the only ones to get nominated for the Oscars
6 - Gangsters
5 - Students with cell phones
4 - KFC always sounds good, then makes me sick
3 - Portraits cost an arm and a leg, when it only cost pennies to develop pictures
2 - Parents who think their students are little angels
1 - Everybody thinks desperate housewives is cool, but I guarantee it’s just lame, even though I haven’t seen it once, but the media seems like they have the ability to make any TV show popular, no matter how dumb.

This is one of those lists I’m going to have to add on to… Another one of my pet peeves, is not being able to remember pet peeves whilst making a pet peeve list.

That will be all for now,

Mr. Magoo

Angry Bubs

Just in case you had to see it to believe it...

There are athletes whose ACL's healed faster than this guy's hammy... I just can't remember who they are.

Here's some advice Carlos... If you don't want to be on the Jazz, the best way out is to be on the court contributing.

80 straight games without playing. I wonder what my boss would do if I missed 80 days in a row. My guess is that I'd be gone the first day I missed work.

Hope I never strain my hammy, I don't think I could handle the long road to recovery.

Mr. Furious

Nieghborhood Bubs

Lincoln still has RSV, but it seems to be getting better.

That goundhog post turned out to be pure genius. I also seem to have the ability to ignite a firestorm of contraversy on Christen's blog.

Rachel is going to get her blog linked to this one, so you can go there and see a picture of Brett, Rachel, and Charles.

For today's list, I have decided to list Nieghborhood charaters, and what they were known for/ something funny they did. This list is in no particular order, and no, I'm not going to list that I always said that something was so cheep.

Famous Nieghborhood Charaters

Milner - Calling people a 'ned'

Jason - Calling him Rexbo, and he's say that Rex means king

David - Laughed like Seseme Street's Ernie

Randy - Too cool for school

Matt - Showtime habits, like when he'd shake his head all the time like Chester the Cheetah

Mark M - Animaniacs

Mark P - Killing lawn, then blaming it on us

Bart - Destroyer of goods

Alan - Banked a free throw off our roof, and in... on accident

Brett - Speedy Gonzalez

Danny - Challenging the lower half of the nieghborhood to a friendly game of baseball

Brent P - Saying upper half of nieghborhood was going to kick our a** in said game, thus rendering it unfriendly.

Bubs - All time QB/Rusher

Bryce - Changing the subject

Mike - Disclosing Dustin's most embarasing moment in the ward newsletter

Steven - Ongoing battle with Mosquitoes

John M - Always almost dying

Brian - After every shot he takes in basketball shouting 'NO!'

There it is

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to sleep.

Fozzie Bear